Ideal Holidays Essays

Hello everyone!
I was directed to this web site by a friend in my English writing class. They said it could be helpful to me to receive feed back before I turn in my home work. I am currently working on an essay on " My ideal Vacation. I was instructed by my teacher to use my personal observations,experience, and knowledge to support my essay. Although I am good at most subjects, i tend to fall a little short in my writing skills. Could somebody please give me some pointers and advice. I would greatly appreciate your time and feed back.

Thank you
Ella

Here is what I have so far.
Please note this is my rough draft.

While it's a common theme for most young people to go on vacation where they know there will be a variety of activities in which they can try new things I, however, like to go where I can unwind, take in the scenery, and enjoy the company of my family and friends My ideal vacation would be camping in the quit mountains of a state park or relaxing on the shore of a beautiful beach.

Although Ive been on five vacations, out of those five only two of them were rememberable experiences. Two vacations I remember most were when my family and I rented an amazing little beach cabin in Rockport Texas and when my friends and I took a trip to Garner State Park.

The first vacation we took that meant so much to me was when I was 15 years old my parents and my sister and brother and I went on a family vacation in

Rockport Texas. The thing I well never forget about this trip was the beautiful view of the ocean from our cabin. I remember it was so breath taking that the 3 of us kids fought over who go the bed next to the window. But it wasn't just the ocean scenery that made this trip so special to me. It was also the time I spent alone relaxing on the screened in porch and most importantly the time I spent enjoying the company of my family. We there together a week and a half that summer with no TV or Internet, making memories I've never forgotten.

The 2nd vacation I took was when I was seventeen. Myself and nine of my closest friends and my best friends' dog," rascal ", went camping at Garner State park. One thing I'll never forget about this trip was the excitement of waking up every morning to the smell of breakfast cooking over an open fire. It was an amazing experience feeling to live life without all the technology we have today! But what meant the most to me wasn't the smell of eggs and bacon but rather, being surrounded by the most extraordinary views of nature and wild life. We spent an entire day floating down the parks' beautiful river enjoying the scenery and each others conversations. It was amazing to feel that close to each other and to the earth God created.

While my ideal vacation would be just a hike away from a cabin or a grain of sand away from a beach, just about any vacation can be ideal while spent with those you love. That is why I will never forget my two favorite vacations and why I will continue to travel to those locations and enjoy my vacation time.

Hi ,
your writing style is quite good with very little mistakes
I think you are trying to compact too much info in one line .

"Two vacations I remember most were when my family and I rented an amazing little beach cabin in Rockport Texas and when my friends and I took a trip to Garner State Park."

This can be broken in to 2 lines .

You need to a add more text.

You do have a tendency to pack too much into your sentences, and this sets you up to make mistakes in grammar and punctuation.

While it's a common theme for most young people to go on vacation where they know there will be a variety of activities in which they can try new things I, however, like to go where I can unwind, take in the scenery, and enjoy the company of my family and friends My ideal vacation would be camping in the quit mountains of a state park or relaxing on the shore of a beautiful beach.


This is an insanely long sentence!

Let's assume that you meant to start new sentences where you have capital letters. Now we have:While it's a common theme for most young people to go on vacation where they know there will be a variety of activities in which they can try new things I, however, like to go where I can unwind, take in the scenery, and enjoy the company of my family and friends. My ideal vacation would be camping in the quit mountains of a state park or relaxing on the shore of a beautiful beach.

The first sentence is still much too long! Let's break it down like this:
M ost young people like to go on vacation where they know there will be a variety of activities and they can try new things. I, however, like to go where I can unwind, take in the scenery, and enjoy the company of my family and friends.

In this passage, we can see your primary problems: Too many words, and not enough punctuation marks. Edit by taking out empty phrases such as "it's a common theme" and adding puntuation marks to shorten and separate your sentences.

Thank you so advice! I will gladly take it to heart when I rewrite my paper. I don't know why but i have a tendancy to be wordly and give unuseful information.It kills me everytime! lol Thanks again!

Sorry one more thing! Do you think that the conclusion is strong enough?

I don't know why but i have a tendancy to be wordly and give unuseful information.It kills me everytime!


People tend to be wordy and include useless phrases when (a) they've not thought closely enough about what they really want to say; and (b) they don't trust that what they want to say will be sufficient. The remedy: Think about and then say what you really want to say, trusting that saying things directly is always more powerful than couching them in fancy but empty phrases.

They may also get into the habit of being verbose, especially if they have been reading a lot of badly written texts, say critical essays or many newspaper articles. In any event, try to use stronger verbs, as well:

"The first vacation we took that meant so much to me was when I was 15 years old my parents and my sister and brother and I went on a family vacation in Rockport Texas. The thing I well never forget about this trip was the beautiful view of the ocean from our cabin. I remember it was so breath taking that the 3 of us kids fought over who got the bed next to the window. But it was n't just the ocean scenery that made this trip so special to me. It was also the time I spent alone relaxing on the screened in porch and most importantly the time I spent enjoying the company of my family. We were there together a week and a half that summer with no TV or Internet, making memories I've never forgotten.

So many forms of "to be" ("was") and an instance of "to make" and "to get." Ugh! Go through your essay and replace these pathetic, vague, abstract verbs with strong, concrete, vivid ones.

For more advice on how to do that, and why it would be a good idea, check out this article:

Alright, I have noted that there are some comments on verbosity.
I have also noted that there have been some corrections on the opening lines.
Anyways, Liebe is here! ('Love' is here) ;)

My ideal vacation would be camping in the quit mountains of a state park or relaxing on the shore of a beautiful beach.
^Quiet mountains.

Although Ive been on five vacations, only two areare memorable . The Two vacations I remember the most are when my family and I rented an amazing little beach cabin in Rockport Texas as well as when my friends and I took a trip to Garner State Park.

The first vacation , that was meaningful to me, was when I was 15 years old m ; my parents, brother, sister and I went on a f
The thing I well never forget the beautiful view of the ocean from our cabin. it was just breath taking that the 3 of us kids fought over who go the bed next to the window.

^Three should be spelt out
I am not sure if breath taking is the correct word here. I am pretty sure that, given the context, it's use here is incorrect. Like, I would not say that just because three kids were fighting over whose bed is closest to the window is 'breath taking'. You can however, describe the scenery as 'breath taking'.

However it wasn't just the ocean scenery that made this trip so special to me. It was also the time I spent alone relaxing on the screened (?) in porch and most importantly the time I spent enjoying the company of my family.

^
It is kind of oxymoronic thta you enjoyed time alone, but most 'importantly', the time you spent with your family?

We there together a week and a half that summer with no TV or Internet, and made memories I will never forget

The 2nd vacation I took was when I was seventeen.
^Are you talking about your second favorite vacation, or the second vacation you have ever taken. Earlier, you mentioned that you only remember two, which in turn would make the latter suggestion invalid, which would also imply that your essay has some fault in it...

Myself and nine of my closest friends and my best friends' dog," rascal ", went camping at Garner State park.
'My nine friends, my best friend's dog "Rascal", and I went camping at Garner State Park.'

One thing that I will never forget about this trip was the excitement of waking up every morning to the smell of breakfast cooking over an open fire. It was an amazing experience live life without all the technology we have today! what meant the most to me howeverwasn't was not the smell of eggs and bacon but rather, having been surrounded by the most extraordinary views of nature and wild life. We spent an entire day floating down the parks' beautiful river and enjoyed the scenery and each other's conversations. It was amazing to feel that close to each other and to the E arth God created.

While my ideal vacation would be just a hike away from a cabin or a grain of sand away from a beach, any vacation can be ideal ('if' or 'when') spent with loved ones .

That is why I will never forget my two favorite vacations and why I will continue to travel to those locations and enjoy my vacation time.

^By yourself or with your loved ones??

Isnt it ironic that we are talking about love and my user name is Liebe?

:)

Thank you guys for all your help! I can't wait to rewrite my paper and see how my grades improve! lol



IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample 264 - What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays

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Last Updated: Friday, 02 September 2016 12:30
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IELTS Writing Task 2/ IELTS Essay:

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?

You should write at least 250 words.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Sample Answer 1:
Some people believe that the best holiday is when individuals relaxing at home, laying in their beds and watching TV or doing things that they usually cannot do because of lack of their time. However, I firmly believe that the most fabulous holiday is to go outside of people’s usual life and enjoy new experiences. This essay will discuss the advantages of spending holidays outside their homes.

The first advantage of spending holiday outside people’s usual routine is that individuals will have new experiences and as a result, new positive emotions and feelings will emerge. For example, people can go to visit different countries such as France where they can visit Louvre or Eiffel Tower. There is no doubt that after visiting such places individuals will have an enormously positive energy for a long time.

The second benefit that needs to be taken into consideration is that people can meet different people whom they did not know before and have a great conversation. For example, when individual goes outside even near the river for a camping there is a greater chance of meeting new person rather than staying at home. Therefore, individuals can communicate to each other, share their food, exchange their life experience and stories. For this reason, holidays outside people’s day-to-day routine can benefit persons in a much more positive way than spend holidays at home.

To sum up, it is evident that there are different ways of spending holidays but the best way is to go away from people’s usual lifestyle. Holidays outside could benefit people in a greater way rather than staying at home.

[ Written by - Natalia Svetlova ]

Sample Answer 2:
Since past years, holidays are looking forward to by many people. Whether it is going away from home or just staying at home depending on how a person perceives which one is ideal. It is believed that having a holiday vacation gives us many benefits. These will be proven by looking at how learning different cultures and acquiring a relaxing and peaceful body and mind.
 
Firstly, knowledge about different cultures will certainly an advantage for us. For example, during my summer vacation last year, I went to Singapore, and there I learned to speak Mandarin, their major language, in just a small amount of time. I also have tasted their Singaporean cuisine such SG's Sashimi meal which I think a very different to Filipino foods. Thus, I become more knowledgeable about their culture which really benefited me.
 
Another benefit is that a holiday can make our body and mind relaxed and peaceful. For instance, in Singapore where I spent my summer vacation, I saw the clean and green environment of the Pasiris Garden which gave me fresh air that was so relaxing. I also saw the beauty of the Marina Bay Sands and its surrounding water that was so peaceful. Thus, those new locations have given me peace and healthy mind. This shows how having a vacation is such an advantage to me.
 
In conclusion, vacations make us more culturally knowledgeable and give us a healthy and peaceful mind. These benefited us a lot. But an ideal holiday is not always travelling away from home, perhaps we can get all these advantages by just staying at home.

[ Written by - Rona Lyn Olivar ]

Sample Answer 3:
Many people believe that the concept of a perfect holiday is by going on a vacation to country areas or staying in a resort and getting away from routine activities. However, there are others who choose to stay at their house and do some personal tasks that they have not done yet. The following essay will discuss the advantages of taking a trip during the holiday period in details.

To begin with, it is a fact that working competition in big cities such as in New York, Tokyo or London is getting tougher these days. Therefore workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays and have increased the stress level of many employees. Many of these people feel depressed, hopeless and burnt out with their daily routine activities and that have negatively impacted to their work performance and individual's life as well.  

For a number of reasons, it is believed that the best way to release stress is by taking some leisure activities. Firstly, by taking a trip to the mountain areas, people could get away from the noise, distraction and pollution that they must face daily. They could do some relaxation and meditation activities in these places, which could help them in releasing their stress. Secondly, by taking a vacation to the countryside or to some resorts, people could have some quality time with their families. Lastly, taking a trip to new areas will enrich people's experiences, as they will learn new cultures, new languages and new foods.

In conclusion, it is believed that people should take a trip to a new area or go to some scenery places during their holiday period. Going to some tourist destination places such as the mountain areas, or the beach bring a lot of benefits for mankind since it could help them in releasing their stress level and they could have some quality time with their families.

[ Written by - Darwin Lesmana ]

Sample Answer 4:
Nowadays in this busy world where everybody is busy with something, schools, jobs, business, etc., finding some free days to relax and going to holidays is like drinking a cold glass of water when you are dying of thirst in a desert. Our body and brain need to relax once in a while in order to work and function properly and non-stop working can be detrimental to them. Some people prefer to stay at home and do their overdue tasks, while others like to get out of their daily routines and go away and set theirs mind free from daily concerns. Which one is the best one?

I am personally a fan of going away on holidays and when I find some days when I get free, even for a short time, I prefer to travel and get away from my daily life. In my opinion advantages of going away are numerous. Likewise, our body which needs different types of food, vitamins, drinks etc. to function correctly, our brain also needs energy supply. It needs to go through a "relaxing cycle" to be able to work effectively and properly. Research shows that our brain has a limited capacity to receive and save information in a certain period of time. For instance, if you are learning a language, your brain uses the night sleep cycle to process the information received during the day and store them. Without the night-sleep, you will not be able to learn new things. This "relaxing cycle" works similar to the night-sleeps and gives our brain the chance to "restart" and process better in the upcoming activities.

When you go away your brain gets the opportunity to think about something else than what it had done all the time. You can relax and set your mind free, listen to music and enjoy. On the other side, when you stay at home at holidays and force your brain to do the same things it has been doing all the time, it´s like working day and night without sleep and the chance of "brain collapse" and mental diseases are huge.

To sum up, overloading our brain with multiple tasks continuously is like driving a car for a long distance without fuel supply. The brain stops working after a while like a car stops driving. Therefore it is important to let the brain relax and recharge by going away from home.

[ Written by - Ketan Bembi ]

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